In fact, I enjoy it. It makes me feel pretty. You may look all you like, whenever you like, how long you like.”“Really?” I asked in a whisper.“It will be our secret,” she said. “What parts of me do you like looking at most?”“Oh gawd,” I whispered and took a shaking breath. “Your eyes.”She smiled warmly. “Something else? Don’t be shy.”My skin prickled. It was a wonderful feeling, like drinking lemonade for the very first time and feeling it tickle you inside your nose, only much better.“Y-your legs,” I admitted with a blush.“Anything else?”“Do I have to say it?” I asked meekly.“Only if you really love to look at it.”I bit my lip. “Your tush,” I whispered and closed my eyes.“Is there more?”My cheeks were burning to crisps. “Your boobs,” I said, then clamped a hand over my mouth. “I mean, your chest, I-”“It’s okay. Breasts, boobs, tits. I don’t mind. You really like looking at them? They aren’t quite as perky anymore as they used to be.”“They are perfect.”“Oh Jessie, you’re so sweet.. I –‘ She didn’t finish. I spun in her arms, slapping one hand over her mouth before she could finish. ‘No.’ It was a whisper, a breath. ‘Not yet….I’m not ready for this, Nat. Please.’ Natalie pulled her head away with a hard shake. ‘When will you be ready, Monk? For the love of God, you need to know why, and then you need more time — can’t you just fucking accept? Can’t you just…let go?’ Her voice went from angry to plaintive. ‘Please, Monk…all this control is killing you. If you don’t see it, I sure as hell do.’ I looked her hard in the eye. ‘Without it, I would have snapped your neck, back there in the kwoon.’ ‘Really?’ she asked. Before I could react, she grabbed my hand and placed it around her throat. ‘Then do it, Monk. Rid your life of this unplanned distraction. Then you can get on with your hermitude, and wallow in the hell you’ve made for yourself out of four walls and loneliness.’ It was amazing how big her eyes got when I started squeezing. I was tired of being pushed..
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